I Survive Divorce and Here is How I Did it (by Jasmine Ong)
I'm a typical young Singaporean woman. I got married at a young age due to unexpected pregnancy. It was supposed to be a simple and blissful life, but it wasn't meant to be. My mother-in-law never approved of our relationship due to my religion. Despite her disapproval, we went ahead with the relationship. At the young age of 21, I was pregnant and married. I was scared as a first-time mom.
The crisis began not long after my son was born. My mother-in-law is a traditional thinker who expected me to resign from my job and stay home after giving birth. I refused, explaining to her that I wanted to continue working, but she wouldn't listen. In August 2006, things took a turn for the worse. It got to the point where I almost fell into depression.
What caused all this? My mother-in-law is a strong Buddhist believer, and having a child before marriage is a no-no in her culture. She even wanted to sell my child away. My wedding took place three months before I gave birth. Every girl dreams of her own wedding, but I didn't have a say due to my mother-in-law's interference. I was even forced to hold joss sticks and pray to ancestors against my will, as I am a Christian.
My child was born a week before the expected due date, healthy and fine, but things were unstable. He was in and out of the hospital for a month due to UTI, diarrhea, and dehydration. When he finally recovered, my mom helped care for him. While waiting for our place to be ready, we stayed at my parents' place. My mom was the main caregiver, and as a first-time mom, I had no idea how to care for a baby.
After my child turned one, I returned to work, busy climbing the corporate ladder until I neglected my family. One day, when I came back from work, I found my spouse had moved out. I was devastated and shocked, and I couldn't stop crying. My parents saw how worried I was and tried to comfort me.
The next day, I continued going to work, using it as a distraction from my pain. I told myself I had to be strong for my child, who was still very young. Those few years were not easy, and my main emotional support was my child. Thankfully, my mom was very supportive throughout that difficult period.
My spouse and I lived separately for a few years until I was financially stable, and then I filed for a divorce. I thought we could end things there, but sadly, no. I was too tired and just wanted to end the unpleasantness as soon as possible. I didn't even want any maintenance fees; I only asked for child maintenance until he turned 18.
It was the hardest period of my life, and I was labeled a single mom. I was more worried about my child when he was in school and his classmates asked him about his parents' divorce. My fear came true one day when his classmates asked him if his parents were divorced. At that point, I told him I would explain everything when we got home.
After we settled down at home, I explained the situation to him over lunch. He was calm and more sensible than I expected. I always believed that no matter what adults do, children are affected by it. I tried my best to reduce the impact.
On my working days, I spent time with him after work, and on my off days, we had our 'dating' days. The 'dating' days helped draw him closer to me, and I understood him not only as a mom but also as a buddy he could share his thoughts with.
My hope and goal for the future are for my child to be stable in his life. For those going through the hard days of separation or divorce, remember that it's a short storm, and a rainbow will appear at the end of it. Stay positive, find your main pillar of strength, whether it's your child, parents, or friends, and don't hesitate to reach out for support. We can always be more sensitive and lend a listening ear; they will really appreciate it.
Written by Jasmine Ong
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