I Survived Loneliness and Here's How I Did It (by Jimmy Tan San Tek)
Growing up in Singapore, I often felt lonely, especially in my younger days when I was a shy, nerdy teenager in secondary school. This sense of loneliness was exacerbated by the alienating nature of the increasingly urbanised environment, as well as the nuclear family structure in which we lose touch with our ancestral roots.
About a decade ago, I learnt from the late Zen Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh that “we are here to awake from the illusion of separateness”. So, I think the root of loneliness is the illusion of separateness—the sense of separation between us and our higher self(whom we may call God), and the sense of separation between us and others. Our ultimate goal is to move away from this illusion.
As long as we are humans, we will experience the illusion or temptation of loneliness from time to time. No matter how well-known or successful we are, we can still feel lonely, even to the point of contemplating suicide, as seen in the lives of some celebrities, such as actor Robin Williams and DJ Stephen Twitch Boss. Hence, loneliness is an invisible epidemic that affects everyone, from the least to the greatest, regardless of whether we are rich or poor, unknown or famous. Nothing—not even money, fame, or possessions—can relieve us from loneliness.
So, loneliness is a private individual battle that we must face, because there is only so much that a community can help us. When we return home from asocial gathering, we still have to face ourselves in our quiet moments, where unpleasant memories of past hurts, sufferings and trauma may sometimes resurface to haunt us. In fact, loneliness is a crisis that is acknowledged but not often mentioned in the mass media. That's why many of us often turn to songs, particularly sad or melancholic songs, to find some resonance and comfort in knowing that we are not alone in feeling lonely and depressed. Some of us may even resort to substance abuse, like alcohol or other forms of addiction, to deal with the debilitating sense of loneliness.
In my early adulthood, after I was introduced to Christianity, I began to find comfort and solace in reading the Bible. For example, I realised that Jesus wrestled with bouts of loneliness too when he lived as a human being just like all of us. I learnt that when Jesus went into the wilderness to be tempted for 40 days, though he was alone, he managed to overcome the illusion of loneliness. He must have meditated on the fact that he was affirmed as the beloved son of the Father during his baptism in River Jordan before he went for his “spiritual retreat”.
Three years later when Jesus was betrayed by one of his disciples and was hung on the cross by the Roman soldiers, he felt most lonely because everyone was, in a sense, far away from him. Those standing near him were probably unable to comprehend the depths of his anguish and pain. At one point, heaven felt estranged or alienated from the Father when he cried, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" I think that is the heart-cry of every human being because Jesus came to represent humanity. Thus, it is understandable that in the darkest seasons of our life, we may feel that even God has forsaken us.
But as the saying goes, “there is a silver lining in every dark cloud”. The story of Jesus' death and resurrection gives us hope because it demonstrates that God has never forsaken him, and neither has God forsaken any one of us. Therefore, the gospel of grace and peace says, "He will never leave us nor forsake us." This gives us the assurance that, even though at times we may be alone or feel lonely, it is ultimately a feeling, an illusion. The truth remains that we are never alone; we are always cared for, forever beloved, because the higher self(also known as God or the Universe) is ever present with us, around us, as us, wherever we go.
I hope that my life testimony serves as an encouragement to you. Remember, whenever you feel lonely, take heart in knowing that you are not alone in feeling this way. We are all in this together, and let's remember to shatter the illusion of separateness. We are all one, regardless of race, gender, language, and so on. We are all one, and we are all connected as one humanity and children of the Universe. Thank you for reading my story. May you stay blessed, and I wish you all the best.
About Jimmy Tan San Tek
Jimmy Tan San Tek is a nonconformist writer, editor, editorial trainer, photographer, videographer and digital music artist. He provides editorial services to help people write better English so that they can express themselves more clearly to their intended audience. He also advocates for nature conservation and environmental sustainability.
For more information about him, please check out his website at https://jimmytst.wordpress.com
This story is based on his short video, which can be found athttps://youtu.be/vVgQXSIZibc?si=oLVKlAdSUswp7xad
